America's CEO Meets with his Stockholders

February 1, 2007

President Bush visited Wall Street on Wednesday to talk to them about CEO salaries. He feels that a CEO’s salary should be based on how well stockholders have done under their leadership. Hmm… an interesting concept, that I think deserves some consideration. Here’s a tongue in cheek look at the way his evaluation might play out.

Performance Evaluation

Moderator: Welcome President Bush. Welcome shareholders.

Moderator: Mr. President, a recent CBS poll revealed that 69% of Americans think that you are not making decisions based on their priorities. And 1 in 4 poll takers believe that the war is going somewhat well, but three-quarters feel it’s going badly. We would like to begin this presentation by taking questions and comments from your shareholders, so that you may explain your actions in our next meeting.

Moderator (speaking to assistant): Please bring the microphone to the lady in the back of the room. 

Lady: Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to show the other shareholders, how a corporate CEO feels about his performance. 

Moderator: Thank you. Let’s take a look at that now.

shuffling noises and chattering fills the room… 

Moderator: Excuse me, Ms. O’Donnell, please refrain from flipping your hair or you will be asked to leave this meeting. You are distracting the other shareholders who would like to view the video.

Rosie O’Donnell sticks her tongue out and settles back down in to her seat. The room becomes quiet again as the video presentation begins. 

Moderator: (turning to audience) Please hold your questions and remain seated. We have another video of Keith Olbermann’s comments on the president’s performance brought to us by the lady sitting in the front row. Welcome, Mrs. Clinton. We are glad you could make today’s meeting.

Moderator: Mr. President, our last video was mailed to us by one of your shareholders. He included a note with his video that stated “I tried to call you but wasn’t able to get the call my call to go through. I’ve been having some problems with my phone lately. Regretfully, I won’t be able to attend the evaluation meeting, because I have to be in court that day. But, please feel free to share it with the participants of today’s evaluation meeting. Thank you.” The note is unsigned.

Moderator: Let’s take a look at the video now before we wrap up today’s session.

President: I would like to clarify my stand on the last video.

Moderator: Of course, Mr. President. You may proceed.

President: Please view the video that I brought with me today. It will help to explain my position on that issue.

Click here to see the video - ABC News broadcast of Dan Barlett, counselor to the President

Moderator: I would like to thank you for coming today, Mr. President. I would also like to thank America’s shareholders for attending the first part of your evaluation. I hope they will return for part II. Have a great day everyone. I hope to see you all for our next meeting.