Don't Give In to the Bellyaching of Whiners. And Please, Don't Be One.

Several weeks ago, the southeast was buried in a snow storm called ‘epic’ by weather pros.  In Atlanta where I live, a follow-up ice storm, 5 days of below-freezing temperatures, and treacherous roads… closed schools and many businesses all week. 

Atlanta has a lot of geography — but only 10 snow plows and salt trucks.  Entire parts of the city were untouched.

Naturally, this led to torrents of citizen complaints.  TV newscasts were filled with interviews of people angry with the city’s poor preparation and inadequate snow removal provisions.

Much of it justified. 

But that’s not what I’m writing about.

This is…

A full 2 weeks after the storm, a homeowner was interviewed on TV, furious at the city, because his street… that HAD BEEN PLOWED AND SANDED… was STILL covered with sand and gravel… way too much, he thought… and passing cars were kicking up dust that was landing on the leaves of his bushes.  (Cut to camera close-up of sad, dusty leaf.) 

His complaint?  He was appalled no one from the city had come out to ‘shovel up’ the excess sand and gravel and protect his precious bushes from the perilous dust.

Are you kidding me? 

Hey, buddy, get some perspective.  Most of Atlanta’s residents — whose streets never got touched and were housebound for several days — would LOVE to have your measly little problem.

Not to mention, one good rain and your bushes are sparkling like diamonds again. 

My wife and I were dumbfounded.

That… is a whiner. 

What’s even worse… a TV station actually sent a news crew to cover this pathetic non-event.  Talk about fanning the flames.  I mean, think about it.  Some highly-trained broadcast news editor, handsomely paid to separate worthy news from bogus fluff, actually made that conscious decision.  He or she is party to the teary-eyed weeping.

But then, sensationalizing news is often what the media does. 
 
Look, I’m frequently appalled at the buffoonery of leadership in our government — and seldom bashful about saying so — but this time, I think a whining citizen — and the media — were unjustly critical.  Stirring up controversy that didn’t exist.  Creating news out of nothing just to fill air time. 

And frankly, cry-babies.    

Here’s another sniveling sob story…

Not long after the storm, school boards in two local counties came under fire from a group of angry parents for cancelling the weeklong ‘winter break’ in February to make up the 5 school days lost to the storm.  Mind you, no one openly complained at the board’s decision to close schools, ground the buses, and keep their kids safe from tragedy on ice.  (An inconvenience to many, yes, but a smart decision nonetheless.)

C’mon, parents, be realistic.  It’s no surprise snow days must be made up.  And 5 at once was far more than normal. 

School board officials say they looked at all options — longer days, classes on Saturdays, extending the school year — but cancelling winter break was the best option among a host of really lousy choices.

I’ll trust their judgment on this one.  Board members didn’t cause the storm and were faced with a no-win decision. 

And let’s be real, some parents would have griped whichever option was chosen.

Whiners.  Cue the violins.

Now, if you wanna get angry, that’s okay.  That’s normal, that’s human.  Just do it in private… get over it… and get on with life.  But don’t be a drama queen and make a Hollywood movie out of it.

Let me be clear here, so as not to be misunderstood.  Very often — perhaps most of the time — ‘opposition’  does not qualify as whining.  Many differences of opinion are justified, valid, should come forward, and must be heard. 

Intelligent debate on real issues is a valid and necessary component of making smart decisions.

But… that’s NOT what I’m talking about here.  I’m referring to obvious whining.  Arguments built on flimsy, ‘victimy’, poor-me rationale. 

You know it when you see it.  (At least I hope you do.)

LESSONS & ACTIONS FOR YOU.

Conclusion…

If you’re a leader, EVERY decision you make will anger SOMEONE. 

Some rebuttal will be justified.  Some not. 

Whiners, on occasion, will emerge from the shadows.

To be an effective leader, you must be able to tell the difference between reasonable, legitimate, fair-minded objections that have merit…

…and unfounded, whimpering, blubbery bellyaching. 

And be able to deal with them artfully… and separately. 

Best to deal with the whiners quickly… and one-on-one behind closed doors so as not to humiliate them in front of others (even though that’s likely what they were doing to you).  If you make the conversation ‘public’, your leadership diplomacy will be called into question. 

Instead, take the high road.  A good rule of thumb for the high-integrity leader:  compliment in public, reprimand in private.

Here’s a sample way you might approach that conversation…

“Daryl, in our meeting a few minutes ago, several valid concerns were raised by some of your colleagues.  I appreciated their thinking, and I hope I addressed them thoroughly and objectively.  But I must confess, I was disturbed by your objection.  Not that you had one — differing opinions are always encouraged and welcome — but by the specific nature of it.  I wouldn’t be much of a leader if I didn’t talk to you about it, and I prefer to do it privately.  To make sure I didn’t misunderstand you, I’d first like to hear more detail about it, what exactly you meant, and why you raised it.  Please tell me now…”

Then… listen. 

It could be that his reason was, in fact, genuine… just poorly presented… with no underlying motive, and not really whining.  Giving him a chance to explain BEFORE you take stern action may save you an embarrassment.  Don’t accuse until you have the full story.  

But… if after hearing his explanation you are now convinced it WAS whining, your action should be clear, concise, and tough.

Your response might go something like this… spoken in calm, not angry tones…

“Thank you for explaining.  Frankly, I don’t see any substantive merit to your position.  In fact, to be blunt, it sounds like and feels like whining to me.  Like an attempt to make me look bad in front of others.  And I’m disappointed in you.  Again, valid objections with supporting evidence are always encouraged and welcome.  But whining is not.  And there’s a distinct difference between the two.  Whining is usually done for show.  It’s a grandstanding move, most often intended to embarrass or humiliate.  I won’t tolerate someone on my team making another team member look bad — whether it’s me or another.  That’s a line of dignity we don’t cross.  Daryl, I think you’re better than that.  I know you’re better than that.  I have higher expectations of you than you displayed in that meeting.  We can get past this, but first I need to know a few things:  Do you fully understand what I’m saying?  Are you clear on exactly what behavior is unacceptable?  Clear on why it’s unacceptable?  And are you prepared to not let it happen again?”                       

Then… listen. 

How he responds will dictate your next move.  You need to hear 3 things:  agreement, compliance, and a commitment to stop.  If you don’t get all 3, dig deeper into the one(s) you don’t get. 

In other words, if he commits to not do it again, but doesn’t agree he is guilty, then his commitment is insincere fluff.  He’s just trying to get out of your office and escape your wrath.  Don’t be fooled by that.  Have the courage to go deeper.     

You might even offer to help him improve his presentation skills so he can introduce his ideas in ways that are productive, not destructive.    

Remember, being the leader means you will get criticism, disagreement, objections, and jabs.  That’s to be expected.  It’s all part of being in the catbird seat. 

But you don’t have to stand for—and shouldn’t tolerate—undignified whining.

By Rick Houcek, President
Soar With Eagles, Inc.

 

Rick Houcek facilitates off-site strategic planning retreats, helping CEOs and Leadership Teams create high-impact plans that overcome the crippling effects of lousy execution (the single biggest cause of plan failure) - and get successfully implemented! His dynamic Power PlanningTM strategic process drives action through his Escape-Proof AccountabilityTM system. It’s ideal for small and mid-size businesses. To bring this potent weapon to your team, contact Rick by phone, email or fax. Visit his web site at www.SoarWithEagles.com. And ask about his 100% No-Risk Guarantee.